Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bring me that man meat
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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