We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
