Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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