I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
