from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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