Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
