he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
