we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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