im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
