You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
