We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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