Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
one two three fourrrrnication!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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