I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
