Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My vagina just recognized that song.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
