Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
