just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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