Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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