Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
