your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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