She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
