he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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