maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
