I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
