some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
