Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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