WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize