okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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