sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
