I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
