I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
