You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
