I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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