I want to make a zoo with you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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