smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
