Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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