You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
