i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can I color on your dick again?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
