she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
