is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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