Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
