Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
