he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
