he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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