It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The air taste purple.
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