wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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