I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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