if i can run in heels then i can drive
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
