we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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