god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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