it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
