How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
