Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
