I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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