I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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