You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
