we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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