WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
