She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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