I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
