I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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