11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
