i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
