i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
