this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
