My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
