you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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