Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
