His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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