help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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