fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
