So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
