I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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