marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
