i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know her cup size but not her name....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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