yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you inspire me to be a worse person
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
