ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
